Cases
The following is a sample of a live case that managing-up.com handled. It was authorised for publication based on the proviso that we remove any identifying information.
Excerpt from question:
"I can't figure out what my boss expects of me. I think I have it and it back fires on me. From her perspective I am not trying, especially am not trying to understand her so I could perform better. She has said that she does not trust and that I have/do make some important contributions to the organization but I'm not "managing Up" It seems to me that I sometimes get double messages from her so I start to do the one thing only to learn later that that was not what she intended and have to start over again. She addresses me in a very aggressive fashion that I perceive as way over doing it to get a point across to me. She feels I don't get it even as I have tried to say "I understand" "I agree" She often seems not hear, these and if she does does not trust what I have said. While she has sporadically critisized me in meetings when I returned she was on a new crusade to set standards for everybody and particularly assertive in pushing this with me. She may be ahead of us managers in the "new" way of doing things."
Excerpt from response:
"First of all I would like to mention that it sounds like this is a challenging environment possibly even negative. I am glad that you have reached out for help as it doesn’t sound too healthy when you are being openly criticized in meetings.
Your manager has told you that she doesn’t trust you right now. And that she doesn’t feel like you understand her. And that you aren’t managing up. We need to help you to repair the trust in the relationship and these issues she has identified and I believe that things may improve in general in the workplace. I believe in offering concrete suggestions for improvement so that you can have some action items to implement. Here are some suggestions for you to consider and think about:
Managing up can sometimes involve merchandising your work and the contribution you are making to the organization. It sounds like you are already doing some good work here as your manager has recognized that you do make some important contributions to the organization. But to do even better at merchandising your work I suggest you could use your two weekly regular meeting with her to manage up. Firstly prepare for the meeting in writing. I recommend making a quick but presentable power point presentation. About 60 minutes in advance of the meeting should be enough time. Take a fresh page for each project you are working on and create bullet points for each item you would like to update her on. Secondly walk her through the presentation at the meeting. Be sure to include your wins as well as your challenges. Your regular meeting is your chance to showcase your talents and your contribution, don’t let it slip by. Mention as well your thinking for how you will be tackling each of the pending challenges for each project. This will demonstrate your logic capabilities and your ability to tackle road blocks. Save up some questions that you have for her and have these as bullet points as well. Managers who want to be ‘managed upwards’ appreciate the effort of having a presentation prepared for them and they sometimes even file away the presentation if it had some valuable information in it. Make one copy for yourself and one copy for her. I like the fact that your meeting is once every two weeks it gives you time to have plenty of fresh news and accomplishments.
In terms of demonstrating understanding for what your boss is talking about, sometimes saying ‘I understand’ and ‘I agree’ are not enough. If you don’t already have this book I recommend that you go out and buy it: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In there Steven Covey has a chapter called Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Read over this chapter - I think it will help you. To give you a preview of the chapter, basically Steven Covey asks that you paraphrase back to your manager what they have said in your own words after they have spoken. One of my colleagues was very adept at doing this in the work place. She would say ‘So what you are saying Jonathan is that we need to deliver project X by the 14th as people are waiting for it on that date’.
This approach gave surety that she had understood. That colleague has now been promoted. You will find over time that you will grow more skilled at this paraphrasing so that it appears less awkward to you. One final example would be if your manager tells you ‘Nancy we can’t afford the investment in this project as it is too risky.’ You could say ‘Investing that amount in a project which is uncertain in its payback is not prudent.’
The other thing I suggest which is tied in with showing you understand is using your memory. If your manager says something in a group meeting, try reflecting that statement back to the group in your own words later in the meeting. Your manager should be happy that her points are getting through to at least one of her direct reports. I saw one colleague work with this technique very effectively. At first the colleague appeared to be making simple points to me and I didn’t see the value in what she was doing but it energized our team manager and she began to rely on that feedback from the colleague. And soon that colleague was promoted! You can use this technique outside of group meetings as well in one on one conversations with your manager and as other occasions arise. I note that you mentioned you are not naturally outspoken but I don’t think this technique will take you too far outside of your comfort zone. You can think of this technique as another example of managing up. An example would be if your manager says at the start of the meeting ‘We have received a corporate directive to cut costs and to make do with less’ later on during the meeting you could say ‘And that is important because we need to be more financially aware now’.
Regarding changing priorities and the manager asking you to work on one thing and then changing her mind the next day - this sounds frustrating as it can lead to a lot of lost work and energy and can even lead to the manager blaming you for not working on the right things. You may have to be brave and proactive on this front. First of all I recommend that when you prepare your power point slides for your two weekly meeting that you include a slide on priorities. And that you list them in priority order and then verify with your manager that you have them in the correct sequence. This will give the manager the opportunity to adjust the priorities and hopefully if the manager is a visual person it will connect your priorities more firmly in her brain so that she will remember them herself and not change them as often. Writing it down will also give you and the manager a reference point to work from. From what you have written, this technique may not be enough however and it is likely that your manager will still change her mind on some occasions. You will have to be brave and inquire politely of your manager in a questioning manner – how the new task you are being assigned will impact the deadlines required for the other project that the two of you discussed the other day. Managers expect you to tell them what will be dropped if you pick up a new task. That being said some managers expect you to multi-task and to manage multiple priorities at once and for nothing to be dropped when a new task is picked up. These managers are a challenge. But I would still go through the process with the manager of inquiring what happens to the deadline of the original project and if it can be extended.
I am hopeful that the criticisms in meetings will cease as the relationship improves. I am also hopeful that the energy being put into setting standards with you slows down as well once the relationship improves."
Excerpt from question:
"I can't figure out what my boss expects of me. I think I have it and it back fires on me. From her perspective I am not trying, especially am not trying to understand her so I could perform better. She has said that she does not trust and that I have/do make some important contributions to the organization but I'm not "managing Up" It seems to me that I sometimes get double messages from her so I start to do the one thing only to learn later that that was not what she intended and have to start over again. She addresses me in a very aggressive fashion that I perceive as way over doing it to get a point across to me. She feels I don't get it even as I have tried to say "I understand" "I agree" She often seems not hear, these and if she does does not trust what I have said. While she has sporadically critisized me in meetings when I returned she was on a new crusade to set standards for everybody and particularly assertive in pushing this with me. She may be ahead of us managers in the "new" way of doing things."
Excerpt from response:
"First of all I would like to mention that it sounds like this is a challenging environment possibly even negative. I am glad that you have reached out for help as it doesn’t sound too healthy when you are being openly criticized in meetings.
Your manager has told you that she doesn’t trust you right now. And that she doesn’t feel like you understand her. And that you aren’t managing up. We need to help you to repair the trust in the relationship and these issues she has identified and I believe that things may improve in general in the workplace. I believe in offering concrete suggestions for improvement so that you can have some action items to implement. Here are some suggestions for you to consider and think about:
Managing up can sometimes involve merchandising your work and the contribution you are making to the organization. It sounds like you are already doing some good work here as your manager has recognized that you do make some important contributions to the organization. But to do even better at merchandising your work I suggest you could use your two weekly regular meeting with her to manage up. Firstly prepare for the meeting in writing. I recommend making a quick but presentable power point presentation. About 60 minutes in advance of the meeting should be enough time. Take a fresh page for each project you are working on and create bullet points for each item you would like to update her on. Secondly walk her through the presentation at the meeting. Be sure to include your wins as well as your challenges. Your regular meeting is your chance to showcase your talents and your contribution, don’t let it slip by. Mention as well your thinking for how you will be tackling each of the pending challenges for each project. This will demonstrate your logic capabilities and your ability to tackle road blocks. Save up some questions that you have for her and have these as bullet points as well. Managers who want to be ‘managed upwards’ appreciate the effort of having a presentation prepared for them and they sometimes even file away the presentation if it had some valuable information in it. Make one copy for yourself and one copy for her. I like the fact that your meeting is once every two weeks it gives you time to have plenty of fresh news and accomplishments.
In terms of demonstrating understanding for what your boss is talking about, sometimes saying ‘I understand’ and ‘I agree’ are not enough. If you don’t already have this book I recommend that you go out and buy it: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In there Steven Covey has a chapter called Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Read over this chapter - I think it will help you. To give you a preview of the chapter, basically Steven Covey asks that you paraphrase back to your manager what they have said in your own words after they have spoken. One of my colleagues was very adept at doing this in the work place. She would say ‘So what you are saying Jonathan is that we need to deliver project X by the 14th as people are waiting for it on that date’.
This approach gave surety that she had understood. That colleague has now been promoted. You will find over time that you will grow more skilled at this paraphrasing so that it appears less awkward to you. One final example would be if your manager tells you ‘Nancy we can’t afford the investment in this project as it is too risky.’ You could say ‘Investing that amount in a project which is uncertain in its payback is not prudent.’
The other thing I suggest which is tied in with showing you understand is using your memory. If your manager says something in a group meeting, try reflecting that statement back to the group in your own words later in the meeting. Your manager should be happy that her points are getting through to at least one of her direct reports. I saw one colleague work with this technique very effectively. At first the colleague appeared to be making simple points to me and I didn’t see the value in what she was doing but it energized our team manager and she began to rely on that feedback from the colleague. And soon that colleague was promoted! You can use this technique outside of group meetings as well in one on one conversations with your manager and as other occasions arise. I note that you mentioned you are not naturally outspoken but I don’t think this technique will take you too far outside of your comfort zone. You can think of this technique as another example of managing up. An example would be if your manager says at the start of the meeting ‘We have received a corporate directive to cut costs and to make do with less’ later on during the meeting you could say ‘And that is important because we need to be more financially aware now’.
Regarding changing priorities and the manager asking you to work on one thing and then changing her mind the next day - this sounds frustrating as it can lead to a lot of lost work and energy and can even lead to the manager blaming you for not working on the right things. You may have to be brave and proactive on this front. First of all I recommend that when you prepare your power point slides for your two weekly meeting that you include a slide on priorities. And that you list them in priority order and then verify with your manager that you have them in the correct sequence. This will give the manager the opportunity to adjust the priorities and hopefully if the manager is a visual person it will connect your priorities more firmly in her brain so that she will remember them herself and not change them as often. Writing it down will also give you and the manager a reference point to work from. From what you have written, this technique may not be enough however and it is likely that your manager will still change her mind on some occasions. You will have to be brave and inquire politely of your manager in a questioning manner – how the new task you are being assigned will impact the deadlines required for the other project that the two of you discussed the other day. Managers expect you to tell them what will be dropped if you pick up a new task. That being said some managers expect you to multi-task and to manage multiple priorities at once and for nothing to be dropped when a new task is picked up. These managers are a challenge. But I would still go through the process with the manager of inquiring what happens to the deadline of the original project and if it can be extended.
I am hopeful that the criticisms in meetings will cease as the relationship improves. I am also hopeful that the energy being put into setting standards with you slows down as well once the relationship improves."
